Personal Notes to Laura: July - September 2006
Visit this section to view personal notes and expressions to Laura made from July 2006 through September 2006.
posted by Anonymous at 7/06/2006 09:01:00 PM
Thursday, July 06, 2006
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Previous Posts
- Notes from Laura on Her JourneyThoughts, expressio...
- Personal Notes to Laura: April - June 2006
- Notes from Laura on Her JourneyThoughts, expressio...
- Personal Notes to Laura: January - March 2006
- Personal Notes to Laura: November - December 2005
- Photo Gallery
- Personal Notes to Laura: August - October 2005
- Live Well
- What's Important? What's Important Now?
- Music, Music, Music
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122 Comments:
Laura:
Hi. It's been a while since I posted. I thought about you a lot during your time at the MT. I wondered how you were doing and how you were feeling. It sounds like you were *very* much held. I am glad.
Last week, I was on vacation and spent a lot of time bringing beauty & order to our home (esp. the basement) and the barn. What a lot of junk! Going, going, gone.
I grew broccoli for the first time. It seemed like the most amazing miracle. I can't tell you how many times I walked to the garden just to look at them! We ate the first bunch tonight for dinner (tuna mac salad, morningstar farm corn dogs and broccoli). I brought my juicer up from the basement and have been experimenting with some recipes. I hope you can say more about juicing and veggies at some later post.
Here's the link to an interesting new blog from a good storyteller, a new leader and someone you know. Enjoy!
http://alejamo.blogspot.com/
Love: Jeanne C
Monday, July 10, 2006 6:31:00 PM
Originally posted Monday, July 10, 2006 10:54:30 AM
Dear Laura,
I met Alexis Phillips in Toronto this weekend. We were two of the four ORSC assistants. Alexis told me about your current battle with cancer and pointed me to your blog as a source of solace and encouragement. I'm grateful for her recommendation! You see, my incredibly healthy and robust husband received diagnosis in February of stomach cancer and our lives have taken an about-turn we could never have imagined.
Yet, somewhere between panic and disbelief, new and welcome leadership skills have begun to emerge as we edge our way along this rather tenuous path that is anything but a straight line. As primary caregiver, a privileged opportunity is extended to demonstrate these newly aquired skills each time a call arises to "step into darkness" again -- such as when a new sympton develops or a new protocol is prescribed or a new emotion must be faced. It's not always easy to take these steps but I'm learning, along with my dear partner, that a solid foothold seems to materialize when we least believe it will.
Please accept our heartfelt encouragement and support. And a thousand thanks for the incredible insight that you share in this remarkable site.
Warmly,
Linda Schnabel
Tuesday, July 11, 2006 8:16:00 AM
Hello dear one:
How wonderful to read your post about our fabulous "Ottahs".
They really are a wonderful bunch. . .been loving surfing their email waves.
It was a pure joy to dance with you sweetie. ..my favorite thing in the world.
Can't wait until October!!!
Love you,
Karen
Tuesday, July 11, 2006 10:47:00 PM
Hi Laura,
Our Breville juicer arrived this week. We are loving it...a toast to You!!
Love,
Sharna & Kim
Thursday, July 13, 2006 7:11:00 PM
Dear Laura:
I'll share with you a koan I made up to deal with my own anxiety/negative thoughts. It is:
What is the sound of the other shoe never dropping?
One thing that I like about it is that it makes me laugh. But actually, the best thing is that, in my deepest heart, I know that I *do* know the sound of the other shoe not dropping. Maybe this "koan" will help you in the dark part of the night.
THANK YOU for the vegetable/protein info. I will get that book and look forward to hearing more. Last night I had mashed turnips from my garden, with a cup of rosemary butternut squash soup (with a blob of cottage cheese in it...strange but true) and salad from my garden.
Laura, I will be sending extra healing, peaceful thoughts to you this weekend...
Love: Jeanne C
Friday, July 14, 2006 3:51:00 PM
Hi, Dear Laura -
It's turing out to be a busy summer with swimming lessons, drama lessons, nature summer school and other goodies for the kids. Busy, busy, busy little bees. And in the midst of our busy-ness, I paused today to ponder the 1st anniversary of my sweet Daddy's death. And I've been in a funk all day, as have been my siblings and mother. It's hard to believe he's been gone a whole year...it seems like yesterday that I was kissing his warm cheek and hugging him tightly. I can hardly wait to see him again. And I alos pondered that this week my best friend celebrated 5 years of being free from cancer. What a blessing that is.
And life goes on for all of us.
I hope and pray that you continue to heal and live fully. Those are my wishes for you at the moment.
Lots of Love, Maria Garza-Lennon
Friday, July 14, 2006 8:59:00 PM
Good Day Laura!
It was great to hear what you love about leadership. It was the first time I read something about leadership that was so clear about what it's all about. The Otters will have fun...they are lovely creatures.
You are a constant reminder of how important food is...this after a weekend of food poisoning and gastro intestinal infection...not fun!
I want to read the book and the one thing that is holding me back is will it force me to transform what I do and thus make 'eating' something that seperates rather than unites...something for me to ponder as I go out and order the book :).
Wishing you much joy...laughter...love Parool
Monday, July 17, 2006 8:26:00 AM
Hi Laura,
I've been reflecting a bit on the "juice,veggies,fruit" post of yours. I have had rheumatoid arthritis for almost 20 years and had a heart attack two and a half years ago. My doctor (western medicine/but also interested in alternatives) has suggested that I try to eat in a way that cuts down on inflammation in my body. Here's what that means to him: No wheat, no dairy, no red meat, cut out most sugar, no alchohol. When he started to talk about my coffee...I said "No way". :)
So, for the most part, I have given up wheat, red meat, and alchohol. Still working on the dairy. I'm eating alot more vegetables and fish. And, I'm feeling better. The thing I noticed right away, is that my hands and feet are not swollen anymore. I'm also sleeping better.
I obviously have a body and system that gets inflammed easily. The hope is that I will be able to stop taking so many medications. And you know what? I'm thinking that it might be worth it.
I'm about to sit down to salmon and asparagus...yum!
I think of you lots---drove by your place yesterday on the way to the Mother Tree.
Be well,
Debra
debra@thecoaches.com
Monday, July 17, 2006 7:38:00 PM
Dear Laura
Thank you for this blog and sharing yourself with us. Each time I come here I am reminded how precious life is. To be ALIVE no matter what twists and unexpected obstacles appear on the path.
My daughter has come to Vancouver to work over the summer. Her home is LA but she heard there was lots of film work here and she has been working a lot. It is such a joy to have her here. On Sundays we walk the dogs in a nearby forest park - oh so lovely - saw an owl eating a mouse or something the other morning, then off to the local farmer's market to buy gorgeous organic produce and sheep cheese.
We saw Al Gore's film, An Inconvenient Truth, and we were so moved and inspired to do more to save our beautiful planet.
You are in my heart, Laura, and silver energy is flowing to you. Love B:}
Tuesday, July 18, 2006 7:23:00 AM
Hi Laura,
I just did an oops, and posted to the wrong thread. I will repost here!
Hi Laura! Quick post from the road. Hope to hear good news from you soon from your tests, appointments, and whatever actions you decide to pursue in your very intentional fight.
Much love,
Melissa
Tuesday, July 18, 2006 7:36:00 AM
Dear Laura:
I'm here and saying hello.
My image of you sitting and walking in your gardens is now firmly fixed.
XO Jeanne C
Thursday, July 20, 2006 3:51:00 AM
Hello dear Laura:
Just dropping by the bog before I start my day. I'm glad I did. . .instinctively, I"ve been feeling the energy building. The make or break time.
Know that I am praying for you every morning. . . I have a picture of you on my altar along with other who I'm wanting to remember each morning. . . Boaz, Raed and the Medicine Wolves. My dad. Eileen Kozel.
It is a gift to ME to send prayers and well wishes to these I love. It fills me and starts my day in a place of wholeness. Thank you.
I've been so sad lately by the state of things. Soldiering on as I do . . .and. . .just sad.
And it is a glorious day at Dillon Beach. I have you to love and to care about. I get to read your bog about how I should "Eat my vegetable". And I get to tell you that I have.
To love and be loved. .. .that makes the state of anything feel bearable. It balances out that which is hard for me in the world. So thank you for that too.
I missed being with you and the A team like crazy!
Love,
Karen
Friday, July 21, 2006 9:41:00 AM
Dear Laura:
The news does not seem to be good and I sense through your postings a subdueness, if you will. And, you are accepting the fact that camping is out and you will be losing some of your freedom. You are in my prayers, my dearest Laura. I'm sure you know about the power of prayer even anonymous prayer. I will write your name in our prayer book at church this Sunday. There'll be about 500 people you'll never ever meet praying for you.
Love, Pauline
Friday, July 21, 2006 4:49:00 PM
Hi Laura,
I just spent 90 minutes at an appointment with my rheumatologist at Kaiser--I know that no one will believe that! We talked mostly about the China Study and coaching and bike riding and Mt. Tam. I got six cortisone shots into my wrists and more good advice regarding my diet. I feel blessed to have a doctor who is knowledgeable and experienced and not afraid to think outside the box. Together, we are working on a goal of cutting my medicines way down by January 2007. He's really pleased that I have a "fitness and nutrition coach". He wishes more of his patients could have a coach....here's where things get started...great conversations.
I think of you so often...and Judy(I would like to meet her) There are several times in a day that I speak your name and talk about you (mostly to incoming students at CTI) and this amazing work you have created.
Your life is a prayer.
Love,
Debra
Friday, July 21, 2006 8:52:00 PM
Hi, Dear Laura - Touch, touch, touch :) Ah, the power of the human touch. I am sorry to hear about the cancer in your leg. It must be painful. And a little scary. Yet, I didn't sense any fear in your latest posting, and that made me smile. You are a strong and resilient woman. I hope you have a marvelous weekend with your friends and soak up every bit of love that I know will be in abundance at your gatherings. I 'll check in again soon. Lots of Love.
Friday, July 21, 2006 9:35:00 PM
Hi Laura
After I read your latest post I sat for a while watch the sprinkler oscillating back and forth across my small, glorious garden. I heard the water from the sprinkler and the waterfall in our pond and I pictured it as healing, loving energy washing over you. R4 came to mind and the wonderful healing circle!! That energy is still with you.
You wrote about touching and a Neil Diamond song came to mind. This is for you:
Warm touching warm,
Reachin' out, touching me, touching you
Hands, touching hands
Reaching out, touching me, touching you
Love B:}
Saturday, July 22, 2006 7:45:00 AM
Dear Laura,
Good to hear your spirit shine through today. You've been much on my mind since I read posting number 4 from a couple of days ago. Today I'm off to a wonderful music festival (just a short bike ride away) and I will bring you in my heart. Music is so good for healing and raising spirits! When I sing along, I'll sing for you. When I dance, I'll dance for strength in your mighty leg bones. And when I laugh, you'll feel it in California. (my laugh does carry!)
OH! And about those vegetables! I'm LOVING what you've got to say about all this! I've been eating mountains of veggies for the last 4 months (one of the ways I've lost 25 lbs. and gotten my FIRST "WOW, Great Liver and Gall Bladder" report from my naturopath in over 4 years!). Just read some great stuff about veggies in Yoga Journal (June 2006 issue) the other day. They were right on board with what you've been writing, and they also talked about antioxidants, their importance, how they work etc. You may have too, but somehow reading that article helped me get what they were and why they mattered in a way I hadn't gotten before
Antioxidants - what they do:
"They neutralize the free radicals our bodies produce, which can damage cell membranes, cause inflammation, and render us suscenptible to accelerated aging and other problems."
Antioxidants - short lived:
"these antioxidants get into your blood stream within an hour or two of consumption and most of them are gone within 12 to 24 hours"
SO...
"that's why you not only need ot eat your seven to nine servings of fruit and vegetables every day, but it's a really good idea to eat them throughout the day."
Then there are the phytonutrients. Each type helps prevent disease in a different way. This is where you need to pay attention to COLOR. Eat EVERY color. David Heber, who wrote "What Color Is Your Diet?" "...divides phytonutrients into seven color categories: red, red-purple, orange, orange-yellow, yellow-green, green, and white-green. The darker the hue, the more antioxidants! Heber suggests we eat something from each category every day.... Nuts and herbs contain phytochemicals, too."
ORGANIC
"CHOOSE ORGANIC whenever possible..... On average, organic produce contains 30% MORE antioxidants than non-organic fruits and veggies."
That seems important!!
Now... off to that music festival!!
Much love, music, and antioxidants to you on this Saturday,
Helen
Saturday, July 22, 2006 8:43:00 AM
Hello dear Laura - I'm so glad that you share your results, thoughts and feelings with us so readily - we can be with you through every shift and turn of events.
It was almost one year ago - August 18th in fact - that you sent out your email announcing your blog and asking for support, encouragement, and help. As you said, asking for help was not part of your normal repetoire! AND look how good you are at it now! AND look what has been generated as a result.
It feels like a corner is being turned for you right now with your results confirming what you had already intuited. I sense a bit of a new landscape, in spite of your familiarity with the proposed treatments. Rather than mountain passes, it's more like bald ass prairie in my mind's eye. What comes up for you?
The camping trip that we were so looking forward to can still happen - only it'll be a virtual trip. I'm sure that somewhere on the Net I can find a site that has scenes of cottages on a lake, birds chirping, fish jumping, no insects buzzing, alpine flowers for you to enjoy. Even an RV if you prefer! Does anyone out there know of such sites?
Huge hugs and much love to you and Judy on this sultry July morning.
Brenda
Saturday, July 22, 2006 8:55:00 AM
Hi Laura (and Judy too!)
Sharna and Kim here, just reaching out and saying hello. We're still here and thinking of you and sending you our prayers, good thoughts, and healing energy. AND, thought you might like to know that we spent time with Sharna's family in Colorado over the 4th of July. We were quite into our vegetables while there, which we think they might have thought was a little weird. Especially since they served meat (and beef) at almost every meal. : ) HOWEVER, Sharna reported this week that her sister Suzanne, and Suzanne's 13-year-old son Sam, are now having competitions each day to see who can get their 9 fruits and vegetables in FIRST during the day.
So your reach continues to extend... and we thought you would like to know.
Love and BIG cheers to you both!
Love, Sharna & Kim
Saturday, July 22, 2006 8:50:00 PM
Dear Laura:
I've been reaching out and touching and sending you all my healing energies this weekend. I hope this weekend with special friends is truly revealing and enriching and even more...Thinking of you and wishing you PEACE...
Love,
Mary
Sunday, July 23, 2006 1:48:00 PM
Dear Heart,
Just a quick touch to let you know you are in my prayers daily. I read part of your blog on leadership to the Sharks, my tribe, and it brought us all back to purpose and inspiration. Thank you for continuing to point us all to places we would not visit left to our own devices.
Thank you also for the reminder of the importance of what we eat. So good for our bodies and even better if we buy locally...so good for our world.
Loving you and sending you good stuff from an island on the Peninsula!
Pat O
Sunday, July 23, 2006 5:17:00 PM
Darling Girl--I adored your description of our leadership program. It is important work and exquisite work and I thank you all the time in my heart for your role in creating it.
I am loving you and Judy something fierce here in Irvington, Virginia. Your well-being and your impact are the focus of my prayers today--and lots of 'em.
It's a beautiful green day here and I started it by rowing my little boat and looking at birds. Saw hummingbirds and thought about your bird-feeder. I hope you're enjoying them right this minute.
Much love--Caroline
Monday, July 24, 2006 9:05:00 AM
Good morning, Laura.
I know the feeling....better to know and have choices flow out of that knowing. So I'm glad for your knowing and choosing.
Choosing life and aliveness again and again here on the blog, here with this cancer...just as you trained us to do last year as Earthquakes. Wasn't life/aliveness what we chose from the top of that crazy tree with the grinning face? And the peacefulness afterwards!
Same then...same now.
My healing thought for you now is to to picture a wrap of powerful aliveness around your leg.
Love: Jeanne C
Tuesday, July 25, 2006 4:26:00 AM
Hi Laura,
I cannot imagine wrestling with the challenges you face. And it is so incredible to see how you choose to live in the heat of it all.
I notice that when we are working together, I don't have the same "I don't know what to say" feeling as I do when the focus is on real life and the possibility of death. Well, at least not as frequently :-)
I also notice that when I am working "with you", I don't check in as often here. I wonder if the same is true of others. And yet I know how important this space is, where it is all about you, and life, and how you choose to be with the big challenges, the big questions.
So, I will try to come here more frequently again.
Every night that I am home, and I get to tuck in my 3 year-old, we say prayers. And we run down a very long list of family and friends, and at the end, we say "and everyone at work, at church, at school and everyone in our neighborhood. And everyone that needs Your love. And then Erin says - "and everyone on airplanes", because she knows that I sometimes go on airplanes. I love that we love so many people. You are part of that group, sometimes explicitly, and sometimes implicitly.
Lots of love and prayers, and positive healing energy, and fighting energy, in case you need some,
Melissa
Tons of love, and healing to you.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006 5:25:00 PM
Hey Laura and Judy:
It's been a long time since I have checked in here and, I want you to know that I check in every Monday morning to see what is up because I notice that you like to write on Sundays..or so.
It has been since April that we have been talking about a visit and I would still like to come see you both. I would like it to be like it was before. We sit, we talk, we drink a little red wine, we get to know each other. Laura asks these questions that take me deep inside myself like the masterful coach she is. Judy smiles and shows me the land and takes pride in her creations. We look at copies of "Co-Active Coaching" in RUSSIAN and I gush over Laura's celebrity status and we talk about the possibility of Oprah. We explore and analyze new teachings and our history together in the Council Guide Tribe.
And now, I wonder still, as you fight, and get test results, and feel good and feel crummy, and decide on protocols, and are hooked up to iv's, do you want my visit? Do you want the human touch? Do you want my human touch?
My edge of course is vulnerability and I cannot imagine having others see me in mine as you are allowing others to see you now and you put it out there regularly. You are vulnerable and asking for love, and touch, and prayers, and how in the world do you do that?
With a bit of hero worship and many blessings to you and Judy,
Lora
lora@TheCoachApproach.net
Tuesday, July 25, 2006 8:05:00 PM
Dear Laura
It is the end of the day. A nice day and a nice summer day ending. I am not eating as many vegetables as I need to. Maybe that will be my honoring of you - eating more. I can eat these things and honor you.
My garden is full of zukes and green beans and the tomatoes are starting. I love to go out and forage and then eat what I find. A gift of this season.
You are in my thoughts every day. I have your name up on a card with a burning candle and pictures of children in my life. Doing my best to hold up my end of things for you.
With love,
Lynne
lynne@gillilandjud.com
Thursday, July 27, 2006 5:10:00 PM
Hello, Dear Laura - I came by to check on you and see how you're doing. I cringed when I read about the PIC line problems because I remember the 3 times I went into the hospital to have a baby, what I dreaded the most was having that IV inserted. Ouch. I love your memories of Childhood summers and sleeping outdoors. I have similar memories. My dad used to have an old pickup truck and we used to lay some blankets in the bed of the truck and sleep under the stars. To cool off further, we would shower outside with the grass sprinkler right before we went to bed. It was magical! And I remember feeling so safe knowing that my dad was right there by us. He could protect us from anything, so I thought. I have never felt that safe again. And so many days I wish for that feeling one more time.
Big hug to you. Know that I think of you every day and pray that all will be well soon.
Thursday, July 27, 2006 9:59:00 PM
Hey Laura (jen L here),
Oh damn what a ride you are having. I keep thinking of your leg and the remark about not wanting it to break. As part of my collection of new aches and pains over the last year, I get these unexplained shooting pains in my legs. And so, it's strange to say, but you know strange is my specialty, but every time I get one of those pangs my thoughts go to you too.
I notice I want to say cheerful loving hopeful, fight fight fight words. But I also want say damn, damn, damn. And swear like a sailor. This sucks.
A little word about the fight. As you may recall, I've been struggling with fatigue for a while now and so over the last months reading your fight words, I just couldn't relate. I didn't think I had much fight and I was grateful I wasn't where you are because I probably wouldn't be fighting. Or so I thought. Then I got something conclusive, finally, from one of the many tests I have been taking, (high triglycerides) and my Dr said, "Well this is bad enough that I can prescribe Crestor for you right now before you try and fix it with lifestyle." And I felt like crap and said yeah, OK, and then I got some free samples to tide me over along with a paper prescription.
And then I thought, "Oh now wait just a minute..." And then I got on the web and started reading. Because I thought you know this drug would just be the first drug, and then I'd be bought into the whole silver-bullet drug syndrome and I'd develop a close personal relationship with the pharmacist.
Swearing.
More swearing.
You know, for me, anger is a good thing. Sometimes it gets me into trouble, and thank you for forgiving me for most of those times (grin), but in times like this it's really helpful.
So, NO to Crestor, after a little research, and YES to vegetables, and to daily walks, and to Omega-3s, and to Niacin, and spirulina, and good supplements generally, and to joining the health club and actually going, and to spending quality time with my dog, because happiness is the best drug of all!
FIGHT, damnit, FIGHT
Ok, so I get it now.
Takes me a while.
And, now that you mention it, nothing against my Dr, she's a good egg, but why in hell does she have samples of Crestor in the cabinet and not samples of vitamins that would do the same job. Yeah, so I know the answer is not simple, the whole medical system is complex and I'm not going to go all nutso on supplements and negative on prescriptions, it's just that, shees! shouldn't we try the well-tested, proven-with-research biologics, with their much shorter list of really undesirable side-effects, first?
I think so.
And I have been happy to find excellent sources on the web. U of Maryland has a great site, easily searched, wonderful writeups, and so does the Mayo clinic.
And I've been thinking about vegetables since you asked. Because yeah they have all this good stuff in them, which you listed quite nicely thank you. But as I make my salad, I'm not thinking about how good it all is for me. I just notice how the tomato just looks so alive, and so yummy. And I think of my ex's grandparents who grew tomatoes in their yard in Medford, Oregon. How when we broke up I wanted, somehow, and unrealistically, to retain rights to his grandparent's tomatoes. Because those were the first REAL tomatoes I had tasted. Man those two could grow tomatoes. Sweet? Juicy? Fleshy. So soft and full you had to hold them in the palm of your hand or they'd break open. And other red things, like radishes. Where would we be without radishes? Crunchy and spicy. I'll bet they have something good in them too. I always think of this little Greek restaurant in London that would serve radishes and green onions with their hummus. Damn that was good! And red bell peppers. Oh my god. I can't even imagine life without red bell peppers. Fresh in salads or right off the cutting board. Or strips roasted in olive oil and garlic and they never make it to the fridge I just eat them right off the baking sheet, holding them, hot, in the tips of my fingers and blowing on them to cool off and then they're gone.
And that's just the red vegetables. I could go on. But the point is my fingers and eyes and taste buds have an opinion about vegetables and are clearly nourished by them in ways that cannot be explained by their nutrients. So is my spirit. Just wanted to share some veggie love...
Oh dear Laura, I wish you, again, many good things to fill your days. Visits from friends and fans, time in the garden and in the sun, cool night breezes. And no more fevers, no more shake and bakes. And I share with you the spirit of Fight. You are worth it, I am worth it, life is worth it. And radishes make the ride just a little more wonderful.
Much love,
-jen
Friday, July 28, 2006 1:43:00 AM
Hi Laura
You spoke of being touched by people reaching out. We sometimes forget that most people 'want' to reach out.
I was driving on a country road last week and passed my turn. I did a U turn in a driveway and failed to notice a culvert - okay the road was dusty, the grass was dusty, the culvert was dusty. My front tire slid over the edge and I was stuck. I figured I'd need a tow truck. I got out and walked up the lane to the farmhouse. There were 2 strapping (and very cute) young men who immediately agreed to come out and have a look. When we got to the road 2 cars had pulled over seeing my dilemma. In less than 2 minutes - 5 men, one other woman and I had lifted my car out of it's dilemma, and everyone was smiling and happy - especially me. I had an adventure that was 'made' by people only too happy to reach out and touch someone - me.
There are so many opportunities to do that in life. And tonight, Laura, I am reaching out to touch you and Judy. Sweet dreams. B:}
Friday, July 28, 2006 9:41:00 PM
Dear Laura:
In addition to reading your own notes, I love to read the all the many postings of your community.
What a story there is all around you! What a lovely, strong web! What beauty, what a bounty you have created from your fight!
In CS Lewis' "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader", there is an island where travellers who are attempting to reach the end of the world can stay while deciding if they have the courage/fight to go on.
Each night, a grand table is set with a magnificent feast by birds that appear to fly out of the sun itself. Each morning, they return to clear it away.
Your blog is like that island. A place of incredible, magical nourishment (vegetables and all) on this journey that we all are making together and alone. A place of inward and outward searching. A place of decision, over and over again. A place of touching and healing -- yours and ours.
This coming week is my annual week with my two nephews. I will be savouring it as never before. Last year before I was a vegetarian, we ate hot dogs every night of their visit without exception. Hmmmmm. This year we'll be roasting ears of corn and other veggies over the campfire. I'll let you know how it goes....
With love and gratitude....
XO Jeanne C
Saturday, July 29, 2006 4:47:00 AM
July 29, 2006
Upstate New York
Hey that' Laura woman of power, might and fight - -
I've been thinking of you often, sending you love and massaging touch from afar.
A weird thing happened the last time I left a note for you: mOved by what was going on for you at that time, I wrote a long, long note to you - - and absent-mindedly posted it in the area reserved for your personal postings ( which I love reading and thinking about)...I felt a tad dumb, klutzy, embarrassed, and tried to find a way to fix it - -to no avail. I figured that you would know that it came from a place of love, even if it ended up in the worng place on the blog...
Lo! and behold, when I checked back several moments later, there was no trace left of my visit to the blog..."no trace" is excellent when you're leaving a camp ground, or White Eagle's new digs in Colorado, but somewhat surprising and a bummer in this instance...Am hoping for better karma tonight. Most of all, I am aiming to let you know that I am holding you close in my heart,sending love and loving touch to you, Judy and your A team, loving your spirited quest as you navigate these waters, and always grateful for who you are and how much more alive the universe is just from your being here in your own inimitable way.
Today is my dad's birthday. He would have been 85. He died three years ago, during the weekend when the Kimsey-Carrington-Diddel-House women all gathered together to do the three day Avon breat cancer walk in cold, rainy, upstate NY. It was his time to go, I knew then and I know it now. I'm missing my in-the-flesh dad tonight, though , and am warmed as I read your words and recognize in them the gutsy, loving, heave-ho fight for life my dad had. He had a passion for life and people, and successfully fought cancer when he was in his 60's. A tough row to hoe, but like you, he kept choosing life...
I read an article about an intriguing woman journalist who said she had inherited her Japanese mother's attitude toward life. She uses the Japanese word - -ganbaru - -to identify it and explains that it means "never give up, even if there's no chance of winning" . And of course, when we refuse to let go of the dream, often "no chance" gives way to a bigger truth and makes room for miracles to happen...
Here's to ganbaru, love and the life flame that you are. And to VEGETABLES, GLORIOUS VEGETABLES! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! More on that later....other than to say that discovering the beauty of lots and lots of vegetables several years ago has been life changing....as was my time with you at Leadership. Your words and messages to me continue to resonate and change the shape of my picture of what can be and who I can be in any given moment. I ma so happy that you and KKH are co-leading the otters. Lucky people...
Mucho love to you, Laura - -
Heather
Saturday, July 29, 2006 9:01:00 PM
Hi Laura
from the farm and Canadian summer hot days and long nights. Remembering last year this July Sunday last day of R2 at the Mother Tree with the Earthquakes and you and Henry and the learning that I experienced and continue to experience.
Right now I am in the process of being conscious of my rituals and what they mean and creating new ones that celebrate life and keep me in a state of gratitude and wonder.
Reading your blog is one of those rituals I do at least every week. Those long nights are the most difficult because in the aloneness of evening I often allow the brown shrouded figure of loneliness inside me to speak. That is when i make my way to visit you and others in the world and see the heart of life that is always there.
Blessings to you
Jeanne B
Sunday, July 30, 2006 8:54:00 AM
Hey Babe,
Thank goodness for this blog. I was with you through some of this past week, and even then didn't know half of what was going on with you, or going through your head. It is a good thing that here you have a place to share, to be heard, to be loved and appreciated.
I've been lazy, or busy, but I have not posted to the blog nearly as often as I have wanted to. And now I see that although you have my complete love to call me at any time of the day or night, you probably will not, but you will go to the blog, so if I posted here you would get to touch in with me, at any time, any hour. I'm committed to being here more often, for you and for me.
Some random sharing:
I'm reading/working my way through Gerald Jampolsky's "Love is Letting Go of Fear". My ego says "crock" and my heart says "peace". It's a challenge for me to turn my thoughts constantly away from what I percieve as reality, threat, possibility, towards thoughts of peace, forgiveness, now-ness. I believe in the concept but the -- what-if I really did need to heed that threat, or deny that person, or not take that action -- ego's desire for existence is strong.
I've been struggling a lot with my desire to receive versus unconditional giving. I'm actually more peaceful and content when I am creating work and play for me and mine. And yet, the gremlin yells "what am I getting"? Who is giving to me. Well, when I turn away from the strident voice, I can see that I receive plenty and a lot and generously from a multitude of people who aren't necessarily the same bunch that I am giving to. Giving and Receiving aren't circular, me/you, you/me, but chaos theory. We are get and get and get and give and give and give, to whatever and whoever shows up in our path. Keeping a score sheet isn't useful here. Tear that up, and just keep accepting/receiving/giving to the people and things that show up just now.
So just now I hear my mind say that I am getting fearful about what the future holds for us, for you. Oh yeah, whats the title of that book? "Love is letting go of fear". So fear less and love you more. Love you more. That's an easy one. Love you always.
Breeze
Sunday, July 30, 2006 8:08:00 PM
Dear laura
I am sending you love and prayers and thanks from over here in France.
My two daughters - Amelia and Anglike are 5 and 3 years old now...How time flies huh!
We took them into the wilds of the pyrenees last week for their first ever camping trip. Just one night away, on top of a mountain plateau, surrounded by wild horses and cows with cow bells that kept me awake all night.
We went with donkeys - the girls rode the donkeys, and the donkeys carried our stuff...so Isabelle and i could simply walk. Well, i say the girls rode the donkeys - Anglike decided she preferred the ride of daddy's shoulders to that of the donkey...
In fact, given one of the fuels for the hunger in the word i am activited by is "fathers time with his children"...i was a happy sweaty, back sore daddy by the end of the trip....
next time we will go for two nights, and keep on adding wilderness to their growing up experiences....
ANd thanks for the posting about veggies - you can be sure i will be bringing my daughters up to be organic veggie nutters!!!
with love healing and prayers swirling your way on the winds of mother earth and in the sound of birdsong....
Andy Denne
Monday, July 31, 2006 3:31:00 AM
Dear Laura
It's been a few weeks and I've been sitting here for about 20 minutes just not knowing what to write...and damn it the truth is I am sad to hear what you and those loving and caring for you are going through right now...
...love and energy to you, Judy and your amazing A team. May you and them receive everything you and they need to continue living well at this time.
Love from over the pond
Zoe
xx
Monday, July 31, 2006 4:19:00 AM
Hi Laura,
While in my yoga class on Saturday that just past, the instructor put forward...'is there someone you would like to dedicate your practice to?'...my thought was yes...you...so on Saturday Laura, my yoga practice, which is my spiritual practice in many ways, was dedicated to you and your healing...love Parool.
Monday, July 31, 2006 6:25:00 AM
Dear Laura,
Since you liked the part about vegetables, here is some more. In my last posting I said I would eat more vegetables so I have been. All weekend when I pass by the vegetable garden, weeding or just going by, and would stop and pop a cherry tomato into my mouth and think, "that's one more for Laura." I also ate a cucumber and green beans and a peach (do peaches count?) with you in my mind. I made easy 9 vegies if you count the cherry tomatoes separately.
That I could heal you by eating right and thinking of you as I do so.
Love
Lynne
Monday, July 31, 2006 7:37:00 AM
August 1, 2006
Upstate NY
Hey thar', m'dear - -
Happy first few minutes of August 2006! Hot and muggy here in NYS; how is California celebrating the beginning of this new month???
I just thought I'd stop by and let you know that I'm thinking of you. Loved the thought from Lynne that by eating our fruits and veggies and thinking of you, we are helping the healing process within you...so, I sit here plopping a strawberry into my mouth, thinking of you, and sending love and healing and gratitude for the incredible flame of life force that you are - -
With a hug and loving touch or two or three --
xoxox - -Heather
Monday, July 31, 2006 9:28:00 PM
Hello Miss "eat your fruits and vegetables" Laura:
My satallite got knocked out by high winds and haven't been able to get on the blog for 4 or 5 days now. . .Missed it. ..you. . . .all.
Still not internet but we finally bought an external modem for one of hte computers. . .those things are slower than hell. How did we every do it??
I laughted out loud reading about your new gift from Art. It is so good to have someone to talk to in the wee hours and I think Wonder Woman is just the gal for you!
I have absolutely nothing profound to say except that I love you so, so much Laura. . .I'm sending lots of "good liver juju" as Andrew would say, for that faithful, hard working liver of yours.
And to let you know that I'm eating more fruits and vegetables these days too. . . and when I do, it makes me smile and thing of you.
Muchos love,
Karen
Tuesday, August 01, 2006 7:26:00 AM
Dear Laura - I just love that you and Judy slept out on the grass and under the stars. On top of all the veggies you are eating, the feeling and smelling of grass has to be a fabulous source of Vitamin G (goodness)! And to have a Wonder Woman greeting you especially at night makes me smile to think of you getting your Vitamin W (wonderful warrior)supplement on an ongoing basis.
I just came out of a 4 day silent meditation retreat (my first)- the stillness was like velvet - you were with me as I tried to walk and eat mindfully - thinking of you walking with your IV attached or eating when you are feeling nauseous.One step at a time, one bite and chew that could take forever it seemed. I loved the slowness and the silence and the focus on THIS moment and how full it could be if I focused on sending loving kindness to you, Judy and others. How moments would just evaporate into oblivion when I wasn't paying attention. I loved the feeling of 40 women sitting together in silence - it was powerful. Kind of like the feeling I get from sensing the enormous community that is out here supporting and loving you.
We're heading out to the mountains today for some camping. I'm making room for you and Judy to come along with us in spirit -I'll tell you all about our adventures next week.
Til then,
Love, love, love
Brenda
Wednesday, August 02, 2006 8:01:00 AM
Hi Laura,
Just stopping by to say a quick hello. I think of you often, and haven't written much lately--I've been recovering from a pretty intense back injury that had me off my feet for several weeks. LOTS of learning there! More on that another time.
Reading here about veggies is inspiring me to really step up the amount of fruits and veggies in my diet. You are making a difference in so many ways.
It is hotter and muggier than usual here in upstate NY--I am off to Boston later today to lead a course--my first time back on my feet since early June. Looking forward to spending the weekend in a nice cool space, with Fulfillment everywhere.
I will keep you close by all weekend, sending you lots of love, bouquets of healing energy, and incredible strength.
Live (this is me typing Love three times and getting Live instead)--
Live, Laura, live strong and live well!
Love, Hope
Thursday, August 03, 2006 6:53:00 AM
Thursday, 8/3/06
Upstate NY
Laura m'darlin'- -
Just popping in to say hi and sweet dreams...BUt first, some local news: Sam and I have joined White Eagle's newest cgt group out at Shining Stone in New Mexico. Just got back last week. Amazing time. I know that you and Judy were active participants in the Medicine Wolves for a while ( and probably have remained members of that tribe even as your battle for life took precedence ) and have wondered what it was like for you. I have been thinking of the "gifting" tslagi dance that we now do every morning in our sweet summer scented back yard, and that you and Judy will be the "love targets" of that dance for now.I think of it as a morning gift of love and healilng energy...
I'm sending you love even as I type inbetween mouthfuls of fresh salad, tomatoes and summer squash -BE WELL,OH BEAUTIFUL VEGGIE AND HEALTH PROMOTING WOMAN! And know that we are holding you tenderly in our heartminds and souls, with deep gratitude for your hot love-filled burning presence in this universe - -
xoxoxox - -Heather
Thursday, August 03, 2006 6:46:00 PM
Hi Laura!
Have you seen that the US Post Office has stamps with vegetables on them this month? I thought of you yesterday when I bought some. What fun to buy stamps that I can stick on anything I need to mail that tell people to EAT YOUR VEGETABLES. As my bills circulate through the massive piles of mail at the post office I picture them rubbing against millions of other letters and spreading subliminal messages across the land creating an 'eat your vegetables' epidemic! After opening their mail, people around the world have a sudden urge to munch a carrot or stir fry a little bok choy. People working in mail rooms install juicers by the coffee machine. Vegetables will be on the brain world wide.
You never know... crazier things have happened.
I just have a minute as I'm packing to go back to our cabin in Canada today. My daughter and I were already up there for 10 days when I came back to get my son, Isaiah. You know, when I began my journey with CTI (and you) he wasn't even in preschool. Now he's 5'8 or 9", has hair down past his shoulders, a hint of a moustache and braces. He'll be starting to drive this year!! As he would say, "Holy crap!"
Why do I tell you that? It has something to do with miracles and magic and noticing and that weird thing about time flying and standing still. It also has to do with appreciating what's here in the moment and not rushing past the things that matter. I will savour my drive with him today (8 hours) and I will savour this last week of vacation with both of my kids and other bits of my wonderful family. I will savour it all the more because of you and what you continue to teach me everyday. This life we're living is precious! And fragile. And worth fighting for.
I love you, Miss Laura. Give a squeeze to Judy and have her give you one back from me. Will touch back on my return.
Love,
Eatin' her veggies even on vacation HELEN
Friday, August 04, 2006 2:36:00 AM
Addendum to Art's nightlife gift:
Wonder Woman Lyrics
- by Norman Gimbel & Charles Fox
Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
All the world's waiting for you,
and the power you possess.
In your satin tights,
Fighting for your rights
And the old Red, White and Blue.
Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
Now the world is ready for you,
and the wonders you can do.
Make a hawk a dove,
Stop a war with love,
Make a liar tell the truth.
Wonder Woman,
Get us out from under, Wonder Woman.
All our hopes are pinned on you.
And the magic that you do.
Stop a bullet cold,
Make the Axis fall,
Change their minds, and change the world.
Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
You're a wonder, Wonder Woman.
Love
Isha
Saturday, August 05, 2006 1:12:00 AM
Dear Laura, I've been thinking of you lots lately. Then I read your endorsement in my new copy of The Anatomy of Peace. It was good to connect with you in that way. It's hotter than the dickens in Texas these days. This afternoon storms blew up somewhere close and the winds off the storm cooled us by 10 degrees in a matter to minutes. Its always amazing how blessings show up when your not expecting them. I hope the winds blow cooling comfort your way. You are in my prayers and surrounded by my love. Sara Smith
Sunday, August 06, 2006 4:25:00 PM
Hello dear:
Just a quick note to say that I love you before I lay me down for a bit of sleep.
Henry and I are heading out tomorrow at 3:30 am (IN THE MORNING!!) to fly to Canada for two weeks at the island and then off to Europe for several weeks. I'll be back in 'Merica on September 20th.
Will be thinking of you and sending you love from "across the pond" as our British pals say.
Love to you,
Karen
Sunday, August 06, 2006 9:49:00 PM
Laura,
Fight fight fight! Keep on fighting.
The latest vegetable news from the world of Sharna & Kim is that I did my first juicing a few weeks back (previously Sharna had done all of our juicing). In doing so, I realized "Damn - that's a lot of vegetables!" So what did I do? I ran straight to the computer and signed us up for a weekly vegetable delivery from Planet Organics (www.planetorganics.com). Now, this is something that Sharna has been trying to convince me to do for YEARS. Finally, Finally, FINALLY... I am on board. And now we have so many great organic veggies - delivered to our house - that I'm really going to have to really work to keep up!!
Thank you. : ) From me, and from Sharna. Thank you for teaching us to eat our vegetables.
You just keep on fighting!!!
Love,
Kim
Monday, August 07, 2006 10:35:00 AM
Dear Laura,
Wow... more crazy scary hairy stuff. And yet you live on, teaching, loving, inspiring. I don't have any advice - other than trust your heart, what do you want in your heart? What do you believe in your heart? What's compelling now?
I love you, and will continue to keep you in my prayers. I also want to thank you - for being the creator that you are. The synthesizer of human experience into something inspiring and within reach of us mortals. The co-active coaching model, the Bigger Game model. I cannot imagine my life without the wisdom and learning in these models. And I cannot imagine life without you holding out the torch for all of us, as we venture forth in the exploration of humanity and our conscious, intentional evolution. You are a true explorer, a pioneer. Brilliant, bold, loving, pulling, pushing, challenging, and loving again.
My love,
Melissa
Monday, August 07, 2006 8:14:00 PM
P.S. I had 5 veggie servings and 3 fruit servings today! And Dan just put together a family "strive for 5" contest - with bonus points for eating more than 5 veggies and fruits. The family member with the most points at the end of the week wins. There are penalties for unhealthy snacks too! And $$ to the weekly winner!
Live well! Love well! And be creative so that your family can do the same!
Melissa
Monday, August 07, 2006 8:23:00 PM
Hey you have requested another ditty, you must be mad, but here goes:Ditty No. 2
There are Veg and IV’s and Wonder Woman too,
These friends are around to take care of you
Love in disguise…………
Life wears a smile and gives a big sigh,
When it sees how willing you are to try
To Live full on………………
And now you have some key decisions to make,
How can we help and what will it take
For you to know……………
There is much to consider, and it not like buying a hat,
It’s more like, oh no not this, and oh no not that
Is there a new range…………..
"So you are saying I can have some of this and some of that too,
And you now have buckets of love for that brew"
"I’ll take that one……………"
You have made a good choice in choosing today,
This brew full of love that will show you the way
And it’s on tap…………….
I know I am teasing and playing with you,
And every now and again that’s what I need to do
To touch a dear friend
Love
Linda x
Tuesday, August 08, 2006 4:29:00 AM
Hi Laura
It's a glorious day in a delightful summer here in Port Moody BC. I just read your latest post and it was hard to read. And I think you should follow your gut feeling and do what feels right. You are so in tune with your body.
I want to share an Earthquake story. My in-between R2 & R3 pod called ourselves the "Intentional Intimates". Our calls and connection were delightful, loving and intimate. We were looking forward to being together at R3 and discovered that there was going to be a full moon the second night of the retreat. We committed to meeting on the deck and dancing to Van Morrison's song Moondance. I thought I'd send you the lyrics and you can hear it in your mind and image some Earthquakes dancing with great abandon on a gorgeous night at Mother Tree and howling at the moon. Hope the thought makes you smile and maybe even dance a little. Love and prayers and healing energy to you. B:}
MOONDANCE
Well it's a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And I'm trying to please to the calling
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low
You know the night's magic
Seems to whisper and hush
And all the soft moonlight
Seems to shine in your blush...
Can I just have one a' more moondance with you, my love?
Can I just make some more romance with a' you, my love?
Well I wanna make love to you tonight
I can't wait till the morning has come
And I know now the time is just right
And straight into my arms you will run
And when you come my heart will be waiting
To make sure that you're never alone
There and then all my dreams will come true dear
There and then I will make you my own
And every time I touch you, you just tremble inside
And I know how much you want me that, you can't hide...
Can I just have one more moondance with you, my love?
Can I just make some more romance with you, my love?
Well it's a marvelous night for a moondance
With the stars up above in your eyes
A fantabulous night to make romance
'Neath the cover of October skies
And all the leaves on the trees are falling
To the sound of the breezes that blow
And I'm trying to please to the calling
Of your heart-strings that play soft and low
You know the night's magic
Seems to whisper and hush
And all the soft moonlight
Seems to shine in your blush...
One more moondance with you
In the moonlight
On a magic night
la, la, la, la, there's a moonlight
On a magic night
Can't I just have one more dance
With you my love?
Tuesday, August 08, 2006 8:42:00 AM
Hi Vegetable Coach!
I just wanted to add to my post from yesterday that I visited my doctor for my annual physical, and she about fell out of her chair when she looked at my cholesterol this year vs. last year.
Last year: 168
This year: 143
Yahoo!! I was training for the Napa Marathon at the time of my last checkup, and my running has decreased slightly since then, so it can't be exercise. I told her that I've had a vegetable coach for the past two and a half months and that I'm taking fish oil and I think THAT must be the reason for the change. She was VERY impressed.
So henceforth, I officially declare you to be my Vegetable Coach! Hope you don't mind!! : )
Wishing you well today!
Kim
Tuesday, August 08, 2006 10:51:00 PM
Laura dear--I just watched the almost-harvest moon set from my front porch and am now on the back porch watching the sun rise and the geese fly over the creek. Over the last week, I have been sleeping outside in the high desert in new Mexico, watching the cycles of the sun and moon, clouds, and my own body. During the whole time, you have been a constant in my heart and very much on my mind, as well. I'm appreciating your huge contribution to my life and also thinking about your sweet, fierce, immensely huggable body--and wishing I were there for the hugging part, the the feet in the lap part, right now. Would that you and Judy were sitting on this porch (though I know it' mighty early for you) so we could watch the sun rise together.
thank you for the vegetable talk. Who ever ssaid breakfast had to be eggs and cereal?...Veggies and quinoa make for a mighty fine morning meal.
Here's a poem that cracked me open in a recent leadership retreat:
God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.
These are the words we dimly hear.
You, sent out beyond your recall
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.
Flare up like flame.
and make the big shadows I can move in.
Let everything happen to you:
beauty and terror
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don't let yourself lose me.
nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.
Give me your hand.
--Rilke
Love--Caroline
Wednesday, August 09, 2006 3:48:00 AM
Just catching up...that's a tough decision to make...can't offer any pearls of wisdom i'm afraid my love...mind you after all the decisions you've had to take on this fight and all the research you've done, i can't imagine anyone better informed to take the decision than you, judy and your a team.
Sending you all lots of love
Zoe xx
Wednesday, August 09, 2006 9:42:00 AM
Dear Laura,
I am in the Giant River Otter POD with Wendy and she shared your live well blog address with us during our last meeting. In reading your last entry I felt moved to write this poem/song. It is actually inspired by a chant that was sung to me during a challenging time for myself. That experience did help me gain the clarity I needed at that time. I attached the file for you to download.
In my lifetime I have had the good fortune to love and support 4 people facing a diagnosis of terminal illness and no hope. My mother with an inoperable brain tumor, my sister with breast cancer, a mother in my preschool with matastisized bone cancer and my girlfriend's baby daughter born at 21 weeks. All of these people are vibrantly alive, all of their capacities in tact and active today, some 20, 15, 10 and now Baby Fiona Pearl 6 years later. I share this with you because I know each of these people found hope, encouragement and strength from these kind of stories.
I have been feeling your pressence and thinking about you alot since I have been at Mother Tree. My initial inspiration was to snail mail you a package with a string you could encircle yourself with, a candle, a journal and a tape of me singing this to you. It seemed more timely to your need for input to send it now.
Song for Laura
In this circle no fear,
In this circle deep peace,
In this circle great happiness,
In this circle safety,
In this moment no fear,
In this moment deep peace,
In this moment great happiness,
In this moment insight,
In this Laura no fear,
In this Laura deep peace,
In this Laura great Happiness,
In this Laura healing,
In this body no fear,
In this body deep peace,
In this body great happiness,
In this body wisdom,
Body, what do you need
To completely HEAL?
Laura, Declare sacred space! Take a string, encircle yourself lying, sitting, standing, free from all things to consider.....Breathe Deeply. Imagine this circle embracing you, holding you, supporting you. Within it, realized answers come easily to you.
I see an amazingly wonderful woman radiant with her realized next step....
With love,
Maia Zohara
Wednesday, August 09, 2006 4:08:00 PM
Hi Laura,
Just wanting to send love again, and also to let you know that you are here with us in Dallas, lots of IBMers gathered. A little Bigger Game work, around IBM's Innovation that Matters to the World Compelling Purpose. See that through the context of the model. Some shifts, light bulbs, hunger. Your work continues, expands.
Cried a little with Susan this morning - as we talked of you, and how challenging this all is... Felt hunger in the BG Certification call this evening - for your healing. You were in the middle of that circle.
And the greatest of these is love,
Melissa
Wednesday, August 09, 2006 9:13:00 PM
I was on a teleseminar for an energy healing technique called 'The Healing Codes'. I have no idea whether it will work or not, but I would be remiss not to have at least shared it as these codes have helped other people eliminate the stress in their body so that their body could heal itself.
In a nutshell - you state a prayer/intention, do one of the hand positions over one of the four healing spots on the body while saying a mantra to yourself. I know it sounds deceptively easy. I've included some notes of results obtained from a woman diagnosed with MS and an MD diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease - who are both disease free after doing the healing codes - that were shared on a teleconference call in November 2005 The site is www.thehealingcode.com (The story of how the healing codes were discovered and used with depression is on the site.)
Here are some of the notes from the teleclass call I was on:
What happened 6 weeks later changed everything. A patient said - I don't remember telling you that I had MS. Why are you asking me this - I said. She said - because I just came from Vanderbilt hospital and I don't have MS anymore. I said - you got to tell me how you did this? No - it's these things you've had me do. He said - it could't be, those are for emotional things. From the very first one my symptoms started getting better.
~ February 2003 Dr. Ben was diagnosed with Lou Gehrigs disease. Only 20% survive 5 years and handful survive 10 years+. Went to a seminar with Dr. Loyd and it meant scientific sense. Lots of wonderful testimonials of people who had been helped - but being in alternative medicine for so many years only take them with grain of salt. He had the science. I knew I had nothing to lose as standard medicine or naturopathic medicine (frequency machines, herbals etc) had nothing to offer those with Lou Gehrig disease.
Did healing codes and within 2 months my symptoms had resolved. Decided he needed to know more about this and wanted to be part of it. (Note - Dr Ben was on this call with Dr Loyd - which was November 2005).
I have the notes from the call if you want them.
Sue
Thursday, August 10, 2006 11:19:00 AM
Friday earaly a.m.
UPstate NY
HI there, sweet-being - -
I'm just checking in to let you know how touched I am by your honesty, your way of stretching yourself and stretching all of us who love you fiercely and who know that you are one of the Big Gifts in our lives. I don't have any ansswers to the questions you're facing other than that there is no one better to pluck an answer out of the air than you. I'll be back for more verbiage over the next day or two. Just wanted you to know that the way you continue to live your life makes me live mine in a bigger, more genuine, make-a-HUGE-difference way. With love from the bottom of my heart - -Heather
Thursday, August 10, 2006 11:40:00 PM
Hi Laura:
Been keeping up with your posts and I relate to your comment about friends. This is something I've been exploring while being "bored". The "bored" part is something that you had recommended a couple of months ago, remember? It seems like ages ago!
And, where does the fight come from? I watched someone very close to me fight to the nth degree. It can be scary, I'm sure for the fighter. And, it has a definate effect on those around the fighter. I'm trying to put words around it, but somehow I the words don't adequately describe the emotions, etc.
Godspeed in Mexico. We keep praying for you here in Lakeville, MA.
Love, Pauline
Saturday, August 12, 2006 4:27:00 AM
Dear Laura,
I will be praying for safe travel and new healing. You have so much courage.
Love,
Debra
Saturday, August 12, 2006 11:07:00 AM
Hi Laura
I used to read bedtime stories to my children every night. We all loved it. So when you asked for veggie stories I thought how fun and this story came to mind. Okay the bedtime story bit at the beginning was a digression.
My daughter, Jen, became a vegetarian about 5 years ago. Sounds like a good move - but it wasn't. Because she didn't like to cook or shop and wanted her food 'fast' - not worrying too much about nutrition. She didn't actually like that many vegetables and she ate a lot of processed junk. She had asthma, ear infections and bronchitis as a child and these began to recur. Needless to say she was sick a LOT.
Fast forward to about 2 years ago. She was beginning to like to cook a little but was still very unwilling to expend too much energy. However, she realized she need to do something. When she was visiting us in Vancouver I took her to naturopathic doctor - a young woman with a great way of relating. She had a 1 1/2 hour session with the doctor who took an in depth history and did some tests. Jen returned a week later for the results and 'words of wisdome'. The doctor told her many things but the one thing that really resonated and stood out for Jen was that she should eat vegetables and fruits of as many COLOURS as possible each day.
Jen took the advice to heart and when she returned to LA, where she lives, she began to change her ways. She is still a vegetarian and now she knows how to eat well. She grocery shops, cooks (and enjoys it), buys mainly organic and is MUCH healthier. And I am breathing a sigh of relief.
Good night, Laura. Sending you love and healing vibes. Love B:}
Saturday, August 12, 2006 6:45:00 PM
Hello Laura -we're back from 5 days camping across from Takkakaw Falls (the second highest falls in Canada)- we hiked and hiked and David took about 600 photos to show you where we hiked - every step of the way, I'm sure. The beauty of the Rockies, the rivers and waterfalls, and lakes ( I swam in one with my friend Shelley - perhaps you could hear our shrieks chez toi?) - the beauty was replenishing to our souls - and you and Judy were there with us- in our hearts. You would have enjoyed looking out from the tent at the falls and hearing its roar all night long.
Now you are leaving for Mexico and we will be leaving on Friday for the Queen Charlotte Islands for about 10 days. You and Judy will be with us in our hearts there as we walk the wild beaches and explore the dense mossed forests with decaying totem poles.
All I know is that when I think of the distinction between friend and aquaintance, it's the energy flow from our hearts that lets me know -and sometimes a good friend can feel like an aquaintance and sometimes an aquaintance like a dear friend.
And you, dear Laura, make me smile when I think of you, and so does Judy. That's my heart speaking out loud.
Our love and hope and tons of hugs are with you and Judy during your sojourn in Mexico.
Brenda
Saturday, August 12, 2006 7:05:00 PM
Hi there Laura
I just want to say yeahhh to Lisa's rap. It captures all the things that are hard to put into conversation. A rap can do it everytime :-)
Go cut that new edge in Mexico.
Linda x
Sunday, August 13, 2006 1:07:00 AM
Hi Laura,
Just in case the computer is working, I want you to know that you are held and loved. There is a whole community here that is loving you.
Love,
Debra
Tuesday, August 15, 2006 11:46:00 AM
Dear Laura:
i'm wishing you lots of love and courage in Mexico. I loved seeing you on Sunday and you looked magnificent - lavender becomes you! I pray that the radiation takes care of the tumors...I'm so impressed by your diligence - man alive!! You are the dog that aint gonna let go of that bone!! An inpiration and a gorgeous woman...Keep on turckin' honey...
Love from Mary
Tuesday, August 15, 2006 3:54:00 PM
hope all is going well with the treatment and lisa's cheer is just fantastic :)!!
love
zoe
Wednesday, August 16, 2006 12:03:00 PM
Hola Bonita Laura,
Drip...... drip........... drip.............
That's the sound of things working.
zzzzt...... zzzzzzt..... zzzzzt..........
so it that.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.............
that's relief.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm.........
Either a good hug or a tasty vegetable.
ZzzzzzzzzzzzmmmM......
The sound of my waiting plane.
I'm complete........
The sound of the end of Fulfillment in Boston this coming weekend.
I think I'll lead this one for you Darlin'. You were the values woman. Still are, it seems. So, as you honor yours by persistently choosing life and learning and connecting and inspiring through it, I'll get a wee bit passionate with that group this weekend and call them (or kick them?) towards the ol' radical act. Seems that choosing magnificence shouldn't need to be so radical. I'll think on that one.
Love you loads,
Helen
Thursday, August 17, 2006 6:08:00 AM
Well, you know it is all made up and, are you sure you are not just making this up so you and Judy can keep on trekking south of the border and do cool work with miracle workers.
Let's see, you make up cancer, Judy retires, and you two go on adventures all over the place meeting cool people and contemplating really cool questions. Not quite sure why you make up IV's and fevers but must be something.
For me, I am making up more child custody battles and have spent all this week in court fighting the same fight we have been fighting for ten years. Now, why do I make that up? Don't know but been doing it for ten full years now.
And you are right, the perspective on the fight changes, and morphs, and gets scary and we feel defensive, and then we feel strong, and we are optimistic, and we feel defeated and we are confident and then we are not. It all goes along with the fight and I, like you, continue to look for the learning.
Many, many blessings dear sister and a big hug to Judy, she soooooooooo deserves it!
Love,
Lora
lora@TheCoachApproach.net
Thursday, August 17, 2006 10:33:00 AM
Dearest Laura and community of blog friends,
Whenever doubt or fear arises, here is the place to rest your thoughts and revive your courage:
from the current issue of Ode Magazine:
According to the British medical magazine What Doctors Don’t Tell You (Jan. 2006), spontaneous remissions occur much more often that we think. This has been documented for many years.
The American Institute of Noetic Sciences (IONS), which conducts research into consciousness, studied 1,860 cases of spontaneous remission. The conclusion: One in 20 cases of infectious and parasitic illness, hormonal disturbance and immune problems heal by themselves, as do 7 percent of all cancers of the digestive organs, bones and soft tissues. Twelve percent of all cases of skin and lymphatic cancers and 19 percent of reproductive and urinary cancers also heal spontaneously. In addition, IONS suspects the number of spontaneous remissions is heavily underestimated because they are rarely reported in the medical literature.
A strong belief in a particular treatment—known as the placebo effect—certainly plays a role in such spontaneous remissions. The reverse also appears to be true, according to research. People who resign themselves and give up helplessly in the face of a life-threatening condition die more often and sooner than “fighters”: This is the less-publicized “nocebo” effect. Meditation and a drastic change in lifestyle apparently also have an effect on the outcome.
This shouldn’t be such a surprise, that the body is capable of healing itself with medical intervention. After all, our bodies do this all the time with minor ailments and injuries. Given the time and a positive mental framework, the body is often able to heal itself under serious circumstances. It is, in fact, a miraculous thing…
Saturday, August 19, 2006 7:15:00 PM
Buenos Dias Laura,
Hope your Mexico treatments are treating you right and showing those cancer cells the "exit" sign.
My veggie story for you:
Back in my single days I joined a farm coop that delivers organic local vegatables to the city (I was living in SF) you get a box of whatever veggies were picked each week. The fist day my veggie box arrived I excitedly opened it and examined the contents with awe as most of these I have seen and cooked before, but one vegetable was a complete surprise. I called my friend (who also gets the box) and asked what was the name of the vegetable that looked like a green alien flying saucer and how did one prepare it. When she got done laughing at me, she patiently gave me good advice on how to cook patty-pan squash. I have similary fallen in love with new and unexpected vegetables as I continue to recieve my weekly boxes and am amazed at the variety, colors and tastes that Mother Nature conjures up.
Sending love and happy thoughts...may your veggies never wilt.
kisses and hugs
Hesteah
Saturday, August 19, 2006 7:30:00 PM
Dearest Laura--Lisa's rap song is AWESOME and sounds exactly like you both. There is not a day that i don't fire light and heat and love your way--and Judy's. I just got a hummingbird bird feeder a week ago and sit in my hot tub waiting for them to alight. Three days ago, the first hummingbirds came...and reminded me of your deck and your grouchy hummingbirds and your dear selves. Deep, fierce hummingbird love and prayers to both of you.
Love--Caroline
Monday, August 21, 2006 12:29:00 PM
Hi, Sweet Laura - Welcome back, Brave One. And the battle continues, as it should. Why not? You are fighting for that which is most precious to you and those who care about you...your life, your choices, your unfulfilled dreams. Fight on, Brave One. Take a breath, and fight on.
Love you.
Monday, August 21, 2006 5:09:00 PM
Dear Laura,
Welcome home. Home...what a lovely word and what a lovely place to be. Be...just to be...
One of the lessons you've taught me through this blog is to 'be' in the present and the importance of savoring that.
And in that being to ask why...and then ask why not...and then ask why...and then ask why not.
Keep looking...and just for today (as I do live one day at a time), I am savoring in this moment the life that wants to happen and turning up that dial that you have us look at and turn it up...waaaaaay up.
Can you hear it? It is beautiful, sweet flowing music.
Loving you and sending you loving thoughts.
Pat O
Monday, August 21, 2006 6:52:00 PM
Laura, surrounding you with lots of love from Charleston! sounds like you have been busy healing that body of yours....I loved reading about the IONS research and am a believer of the power...what a resource this blog is to all that partake...another way you contimue to bless our world with your presence. Bless you forever and always for who you are for me and for "us".
Tom is taking Kate back to college this weekend, Tommy has already started his senior year, I'm still unpacking boxes from the move from CT to SC. Interesting feel in this part of the US...lots to create from!
Loving you with this newer energy too! Peg, Tom, Tommy and Katy
Friday, August 25, 2006 9:39:00 AM
Dear Laura
Still here, still thinking about ya, and sending strength and energy from me to you.
Love
Jeanne b
Friday, August 25, 2006 1:57:00 PM
Dear Laura:
Checking in to say hello from Vermont. Fall is in the air in the Green Mountains and the blackberries are at their peak. I've been on a work sabbatical this month, an plan that came straight out of R4. I miss you, Laura. I think of you almost every day and say a prayer for your health and happiness.
XO Jeanne C
Saturday, August 26, 2006 5:51:00 PM
Laura! I dropped in, it's been so long and I know you know what I've been up to...oh what fun! And it has been, parts of it anyway! I've been getting updates on you along the way from all your angels, which has been so nice to have that link to you!
Super great to hear the latest with you and I bet it was so validating to hear you are doing all the right work! Case and I continue to visualize all of it doing it's job bringing you your new vibrant body.
Looking forward to seeing you, in less than 2 weeks now-yikes! Smooches to you and Judy-we love you.
Jenn
Wednesday, August 30, 2006 1:58:00 PM
Hello dear Laura:
Back home from Pheonix tonight and glad to be home. Thanks so much for your love and prayers dear one.
I have never been more connected to the huge gift of LIFE and the desire to LIVE!! LIVE!!! LIVE!!
I can't make my keyboard shake either (isn't great how Jeff J can always make one smile) but I'm sending you as much love and passion and down right ENTHUSIASM as I can pump through my computer keys.
I think you of getting up tonight for a pee or whatever you get up in the night for. .. and visiting your Wonder Woman night light. Tell her hi for me and. . ..thanks. . . Thanks for the gift of this sweet life and for all the love that is out for me. . .for you! And for the gift of loving. . .the huge, wide FULLNESS of it just blows my doors off. ..it really does.
So as you visit Wonder Woman tonight, may you know how hugely and completely you are loved.
Love,
Karen
Wednesday, August 30, 2006 9:37:00 PM
Dear Laura & Judy
I don't know Judy but I really want to acknowledge what an amazing, loving, 'just do it' woman you are. Thank you Judy! For being you, being with Laura and doing what needs to be done. I can feel the love in what Laura writes.
And Laura, I read your words and don't really know what to say except keep fighting. Know there is so much love and healing being sent your way.
Your blog is such a gift. Thank you. Love Barbara
Wednesday, August 30, 2006 10:00:00 PM
Upstate New York
August 31,2006
Laura- m'dear -
So good to see you latest entries. I'm DELIGHTED that you and Judy have found Gwen. YOU GO, GIRL! Let's rocket that C stuff right out of your system!
Sending you thoughts of healing with ease...you've already done "hard", sweet heart;time for more ease...warm juicy blessings oozing over under around and above you...sweet clear white light wrapping you and Judy in love and peace and healing....
mucho love from your Upstate NY Fan Club
Thursday, August 31, 2006 8:44:00 PM
Hi Laura,
Have been thinking about you a lot lately and keep hoping for another posting. No pressure... Just know that you are held and loved and missed when it's quiet here.
I'm envisioning you full of leaks. The good kind. Like when your water bill goes up, but you don't know why... there's got to be a leak somewhere you can't see. What's different about what I'm seeing for you is that you have cancer leaks. Spots throughout the system where the cancer leaks out and leaves you. No need to call the plumber because we WANT it to leak out and EXIT. And with these leaks, the bills go DOWN instead of up. Sort of a silly metaphor, but that's what I'm best at. :P
I'm off to Korea on Saturday with my beau! I'll lead an ITB there, but we're also going to travel and see the sights a bit. He's got aunties there so we'll hopefully be visiting with them. Andrew, my beau, says I'll be the tallest, blondest, loudest woman they ever met. Hmmmmmm.... should be interesting! I wouldn't be off on this journey if it wasn't for you and your persistent vision. I'll eat restorative kim chi in your honor!!
Lovin' you,
Helen
coachhelen@charter.net
Tuesday, September 05, 2006 10:03:00 AM
Hi, Dear Laura - I always get a little worried when a few days go by without hearing from you. I wonder what you're going through and what you're dealing with that's keeping you away. And I pray harder for you (so maybe that's a good thing? :-) I pray that you are comfortable and painfree and as productive as you want to be. And I pray that the healing continues as your body gains vitality and strength. Thinking of you in Texas, with lots of love!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006 12:52:00 PM
Dear Laura,
I talked with Karen Kimsey-House this morning and she said she had seen you on Saturday. She also said that you looked gorgeous! So, I'm just reporting a sighting for the rest of the blog group:) I echo the others who would love to hear your voice here again.
Love,
Debra
Wednesday, September 06, 2006 2:57:00 PM
Laura & Judy -
You two are so BRAVE. And what a beautiful example of partnership the two of you are.
Sharna is in Phoenix this weekend, training the Arizona Girls for a Change coaches. Laura - as you know, you will be there with her as she trains them in ways to support the girls who are going to work to create social change in their communities.
Me - I'm running a 21-miler on Saturday - the last big run in preparation for my October marathon. When it is hard and I want to quit and give up, I will think of my Vegetable Coach and push harder.
Love, strength, and FIGHT to you both,
Kim
Thursday, September 07, 2006 2:16:00 PM
Dear Laura--3 shake 'n bakes in a day--oh, my Lord. I bet in some ways it feels like baby labor--just grabs your body and won't let go. I'm glad Ms. Jude is such an awesome midwife to your detox process. GET THAT CANCER OUT!!!
We had a huge storm in Virginia last Friday and lost trees--as well as power for three days. Tail end of hurricane ernesto. I was impatient because I want to row my little boat, which is mighty tippy under the best of circumstances and these weren't. Rowing is really rhythmic, and sometimes I chant pieces of Lisa's rap song as I go--it actually take my attention off the technical aspects of the stroke and improves it considerably. A sweaty prayer, this is.
I'm in Chicago now, and then in Mexico, but Art and I will be at your house on the 19th and I'm looking forward to hugs and maybe a hot tub with Judy.
The hummingbird feeder only attracted four hummingbirds. It also attracted 100 big scary hornets. Don't know what plan B is yet, but I look foward to seeing YOUR feeder.
Praying for you, darling. Always.
Love--Caroline
Friday, September 08, 2006 3:42:00 AM
Dear Alive and Living Laura!
She Shaked!
She Baked!
and Holy MOLY She Ached!
But alas... with some love and good care... and INTENSE perseverance and commitment to LIFE...
She made it through and found time to visit us here on the BLOG. B.L.O.G. Big Love On Going.
THANK YOU FOR LIVING.
and writing to us.
and inspiring us.
and letting yourself be loved by Judy and all the rest of us.
All good.
I'm in a bit of a mad dash to get ready for Korea tomorrow. Can't believe it's finally here! It's amazing how bogged down I can get with all the particles involved in going overseas for just two weeks. Being a single mom sure does complicate that process! I don't want to miss the thrill of this journey because I'm lost in all the particles of it. Savoring the space seems SO important right now.
When I think of you and your Fighting of the FIGHT, I imagine it would be really easy to get lost in the details of what it takes to fight. Yet you keep modeling for us how you remember to savor the precious space between all the detaily particles. Whether it's Judy's hand on your leg saying "Thank you for living"... or enjoying your garden... or time with friends... or just plain SUNshine... you seem to crawl in between the particles, shove them apart, and maximize the space. Thank you for that.
Must pack. It will take me two days to get there, so by this time on Monday morning, I will be fully immersed in the unfamiliar. For a lot of our leaders, that's becoming commonplace. For me, it feels like big stuff. I will bring you back a story or two to inspire you and let you feel your ripples reach across the ocean... across cultures... into the human heart - the one place I'll be while there that I am familiar with!
Much love to you and Judy today and always.
xo,
Helen
Friday, September 08, 2006 4:55:00 AM
Dear Laura,
I just read what Caroline wrote...I had the exact same thought about the "shake and bake" that you experience. It's a natural and common reaction after childbirth. It's actually the "fight or flight" thing. So much hard work and labor to birth the baby...lots of shaking after the birth.
So, I'm thinking this is your body's way of acknowledging your hard work, hard labor, fighting for your life.
I love hearing about how you and Judy support and love each other. It's an amazing gift.
Love,
Debra
Friday, September 08, 2006 9:32:00 AM
Originally posted
Friday, September 08, 2006 7:43:58 AM
cjeanneb said...
Dear Laura,
Some random thinking:
I think of you in the grip of shake and bakes and my heart reaches out to you and Judy.
Your writing makes me think of the miracle our body is, all those cells each with a purpose. And what a miracle our spirit is. And how sabatoging the old mind can be when it tries to dominate. And I keep being reminded (in the strangest times and places) of the strength there is in allowing ourselves to show our vulnerability. (possibly the most valuable lesson I learned from you and other CTI leaders)
It seems to me that real faith can only mean anything if we allow that we are vulnerable.
So keep faith - my prayers for you - Live Life!
Jeanne b
Friday, September 08, 2006 6:38:00 PM
Hi Laura
I didn't know Shake & Bake came in the particular and strangely malevolent variety you are getting. I wouldn't have thought it would sell - so I guess you are getting those annoying 'free samples' whether you want them or not.
Okay - bad joke - hope it made you smile :) Doesn't sound like there are a lot of smiles right now.
My heart is so full for you and Judy and the fight you are in. Sometimes as I read your words I find myself holding my breath. So now I am taking deep cleansing breaths and picturing you out in the woods at the Mother Tree with the Earthquakes as we did out best imitations of monkeys or bears or lobsters or Elvis (with our knees shaking!) up in the trees. And you cheered, cajolled, pushed, and 'LAURA-ed' us to succeed.
So Laura, right back to you. I've got your rope. On belay! Love Barbara
Saturday, September 09, 2006 10:07:00 PM
Hello Dear Laura:
Kick butt!fight for Life THE ONLY FIGHT THAT'S RIGHT Woman !!
I am writing to you tonight from Toronto the night before the Team Training Intensive begins. This was a baby born in a leadership program with you as my leader my stake was for everyone to take ORSC - this is Relationship systems work oriented to workgroups and teams. You are the Mother of this endeavor as you stared me down and said "make this concrete" This is not an ad - we are sold out with a long waiting list. This is a place to thank you. Thank You - for being hardcore. My experience of you was not chummy or buddylike you ripped me a new #$$%^&*( in leadership essentially. So thank you for the kick in the ass you gave me the new and revised person that makes things happen - "make things concrete" - That was your edict and blessing to me..
May I give you back the gift in "Stay Alive Dammit!" You are not done yet!!! Fight through the illusion!
You are a strong, brilliant, empowered, woman who is undergoing a challenge. Breathe in the health and the sweet perfume of life. Breath out the doubt. Breathe in the love and appreciation of even those that havent expressed it to you have for you.
You make a difference
You still have so much to offer. Breathe into the healing. You can do it!
You are loved - You have a unique presence to bring that is yours. It is needed. Breathe into that. Breathe into the want that you have - you have a WANT - you get to have that want. Breathe into the luxuriousness of that want.
Fight Fight
Fight The Only Fight Thats Right!
The Fight for Life
You are loved for being you. Simply you! Fight! Fight for All Lives!
With love,
Alexis
Monday, September 11, 2006 8:57:00 PM
Dear Laura and Judy - I love the image of the two of you dancing at the wedding. Such a strong image of aliveness and freedom - I can only imagine the shivers of elation running up and down you both as you were able to be free of treatment for that period of time.
Thank you Judy for sharing that event and for sharing your thoughts and feelings. And gobs of thank you hugs for your huge heart and opening it up over and over again to Laura - meeting her need for care and hope in her trying times. I have an image of an ever growing garden when I think of you so courageously meeting each new request of love. And your sharing is a further gift to me - grounding me as to the wonders of a warm and caring heart. Thank you.
And Laura - I have an image of your Zorba soul laughing and dancing - freed from the duties of treatment, shaking your way to feelings of elation. Wonder woman with a difference.
Thank you you two for sharing that magical afternoon.
Love
Brenda
Wednesday, September 13, 2006 11:33:00 AM
Hello, Sweet Laura - I just read your latest posting on the topic of death, and I found myself sharply inhaling. What is it about that topic that takes our breath away...and redirects us to other conversations about not giving up hope and keeping the faith? Is it fear? Fear of what? Is it control? What's behind our discomfort? What's behind the sharp intake of breath?
I look forward to more dialogue around this and the learning for all of us. And I continue to pray for your healing and wellbeing.
Loving you lots in Texas.
Thursday, September 14, 2006 10:50:00 AM
Dear Laura
I just read your note from yesterday. Sometimes - often - what is happening to you scares me so much...
I have been thinking - and talking about - how I have to live my life as much being me as possible. Get out from behind myself and see what happens and what the world wants of me. And there is something in your fight to live that seems like the baseline of all of it. Fight to have a life, goddamit. Don't waste a breath, a heart beat, being anything else.
I am sitting here trying to write a proposal for working with a team and there is something here - something I want to say to this team - don't waste a heartbea, a breath, fight, fight, fight.
You know we have so little time.
I don't know what I am saying except that your journey is cutting it all down - everything way down - to what really truly matters. Live. Breath. Dance. Kick ass.
Love
Lynne
Thursday, September 14, 2006 2:47:00 PM
Just saying Hi! Reaching out and touching you right now. B:}
Thursday, September 14, 2006 3:50:00 PM
Hi Laura, Dear One,
I have a special deck of cards that at friend made for me. They are simple and beautiful, each adorned with a picture of a unique flower on one side, and well, something mysteriously fitting for whomever it is meant for.
I picking on right now that is meant for you; I'm asking for your higher self to be co-active with my higher self and channel as message for you. Here goes...
It reminds: "You are awed and inspired by the beauty of Nature."
Well duh, anyone that knows you, knows that's true! So, make of that what you will, but I sure hope you're getting enough of that which connects you to the Beauty of your Being. Soak it up, Love.
On a note to you as my CoachLaura, Guess what?! The UC Berekely guys will be here tomorrow to pick up my Dad's Far East Asian library! (Did I tell you of the dream I had where after I told him our plan to give the library to UC Berkeley, he lay back peacefully, resting his head on a shelf?!) May Dad truly rest in peace and may his legacy live long in the book stacks he loved, for scholars from all over the world to enjoy for years to come!
Thanks for holding the torch for a miracle in this regard. Know that I'm holding one for you now...the miracle of living...May you feel well and whole, and wholly loved.
With love and peace,
Camilla
Thursday, September 14, 2006 7:59:00 PM
Hi dear Laura and Hi dear Judy:
Just dropping by to say Hello to both of you...I wish you a beautiful day, finding in nature what you need to sustain you - I think of you often and send my love, my courage and my caring...
love,
Mary
Friday, September 15, 2006 8:51:00 AM
Hi there Laura
I have been hanging out with a poet called David Whyte the last couple of days, with other wannabee creative writers/poets like myself. I believed it had an effect because when I read your recent blog entry I couldn't help but be reminded of the language of 'The Prophet', by Kahlil Gibran. I see it as a simple old book offering an understanding of living (eg. talk to us of children, friendships, joy and sorrow etc). Your entry inspired me to track the book down and see whether it talks of dying, it doesn't of dying, but I was moved by what it had to say when looking at what is it to die. Just a snippit: 'for what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun'.
Although this whole concept of dying is hard to talk of I think there are many of us that would explore this concept with you. This could result in a beautiful tapestry (metaphorically speaking)of understanding. I think this poetry stuff is working:-)
Much love
Linda
Sunday, September 17, 2006 6:27:00 AM
Hello, Sweet Laura - I just read your posting on the jazz festival and am contemplating your inquiry on Savoring...
Sunday we had fourteen 7-year old girls in my backyard as they gathered for their first girl scout meeting of the year. In my house, we had their accompanying moms deep in thought as we planned out the rest of the year for these precious creatures. Many times I found myself staring out the window as I heard their peals of laughter as they swung on our tire swings or as they whished by the window on their coltish legs or as they screamed at each other in their high, nasal voices because, let's face it, with 14 girls there is no such thing as a normal tone of voice. And I savored their freedom, their pure enjoyment, their abondonment, their endless energy. Did I ever run that much? Did I ever lose myself that entirely in an afternoon? As it was, their afternoon flew by whereas ours seemed to drag and drag...I think I'm finally starting to understand the theory of relativity :)
I also enjoyed the picture posted of you in the collage at the "reunion." God, you look beautiful.
Continue the healing and enjoy the rest of your summer. We have 2 more days left before beautiful autumn. Love you.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006 1:07:00 PM
Dear Laura
You really know how to strike at the heart of the matter without holding back. To get our attention and make us think about life and also about death.
Life is to savour and we are ALL dying. Yet we delude ourselves, ignore it, think maybe "I" can cheat it. But when death comes knocking at our door there is nowhere to hide.
So in the meantime, I come to your blog and learn each time more about how to LIVE - to be alive. Thank you Laura. Keep living and being so fiercely alive you prod me (and others too) to be more alive. What else is there?
Sending you love, energy and beauty. Love B:}
Thursday, September 21, 2006 10:02:00 PM
Hi Laura,
When my dad was dying, everything came quickly. He was sick---something was wrong---it was cancer---then surgery---and then death. One hard thing after another. But, we had him. There was talking and laughing and watching him sleep...and all of those things sustained us (my sibs and mom and his grandchildren). As long as we could know that he wasn't in pain, we could have gone on like that for a very long time...because we still HAD him. Even now, as I write this eleven years later, it is what I want most. To have him here as part of my life. Each year, more of my life has gone by without having him.
I'll come back to this later. I'm assisting Henry and Gwen today in San Rafael at a course called "Come Alive".
Interesting, huh?
Just wanted to reach out early this morning and touch you..
Love,
Debra
Saturday, September 23, 2006 8:25:00 AM
Hi Laura
Such a blend of articulation, exploration of what is and then cutting to the chase to ask the questions. Do you realise what this does to a gal on a Sunday morning :-)
And I want to be here sharing concepts with you about death and dying, and I wonder what it is that makes it so easy to be here.
I think having been immersed in an extended close knit family has something to do with it. Growing up surrounded by so many people who love each other has been a joy, flip the coin and there has been huge sorrow in seeing so many of them die, including some very close to home.
I have become very familiar with what death and dying brings.
Flipping the coin back again I marvel knowing that when one person has died in our family another one has been born shortly after. Just this last 18 months my godfather and cousin died, and this year my brother and other cousin have new babies in their families.
I did it slightly different. On the day my third child was born, my mum was diagnosed with cancer. So I had this confusing experience of watching my mum disappear slowly,whilst my son grew bigger and stronger every day. It really brought me face to face with a life death life reality.
And it may of been this familiarity of life cycles that gave me the courage to give up a whole way of life that was no longer working for me a couple of years back. It really felt like a death at the time, because everything I previously knew disappeared, home, income, job,status,people. I shocked myself by the enorminty of it all. I can never know your journey, but this experience I believe helps me understand more easily the experience of life changing dramtically to accommodate a new way of being. I know you have noticed more the joy and appreciation of simples things in life, and this doesn't take away the fear and trauma of cancer - but it does make life more real (and less full of pretense and illusions).
I have one more concept to share that I came across when studying this year:
I have a body but I am not my body. My body may find itself in different conditions of health or sickness, it may be rested or tired, but that has nothing to do with my real self, my real 'I'. My body is my precious instrument of experience and of action in the outer world, but it is only an instrument. I seek to keep it in good health but it is not myself. I have a body but I am not my body.
(by Roberto Assagioloi - just an extract of a much longer perception.)
If we are looking to understand life, then death and dying are just the other side of the coin. Its no surprise then that it will have its say and time.
with love
Linda x
Sunday, September 24, 2006 4:38:00 AM
Wow Laura....your last post on the 22nd really called me out of hiding. I wrote to you the other day and then deleted it because it felt like I was writing to talk about death not to really benefit you in any way and it felt so out of sync with the other posts and maybe selfish. (that THING I can't be with) AND I wrote once before and it felt like a big TA DA! As though you read my mind I hear you giving permission today to have us just talk about death.
Anyway...for about three years I have felt a strong calling to do something to bring death "out of the closet" and am finally embracing that with a co-leader in my community project. GULP
We have lots of ideas as to where this could go but we are really wanting to stay open to where it leads us. This stage of the project is simply about bringing people's stories and experiences out into the light. You are showing me right here how important that is. When I wonder or am asked WHY I would want to concentrate on death I guess it is because it is the one truth that we all share and and it is the one thing we seem to know the least.
When I felt this pull three years ago it came in a powerful heart pounding way. I googled and purchased every book I could with death in the subject line. What I read brought more of a desire to move forward yet I sat with it for so long becasue it seemed so outrageous for me to to step into this arena...I didn't have a terminal illness, I was no guru, I didn't even have any real out of the ordinary experiences with death. What right did I have! ...funny how it feels so much like it is only for a few when it is really for all.
When I look back I realize I was looking at death from different perspectives at different times in my life. As a young teenager working in nursing homes and later in my short career as an RN, I saw death as a physical process. It was about caring for the body and helping the patient feel comfortable, not much more. Later I became a financial advisor and saw how people "prepared for death" with documents and insurance and organizing and trying to conserve assets...it was all about the "stuff" getting left behind. I noticed how people addressed it as though it wasn't really real it was all sort of a theoretical excercise..myself included. The part I didn't hear was what it meant to that person to think about their own death.
When I think about my own death the first thing I notice is that part about it not feeling quite real. What comes up the most as I try to get deeper in touch with it is a kind of seperation anxiety. Will I be abandoning my kids my family my friends? Will they know it is okay with me that I am dying and that they don't need to suffer over it. Will I have done enough, made enough of a difference, said what I wanted to say before I go. I was struck watching the movie flight 93 that when people called on thier cell phones the words were all the same...I LOVE YOU...I LOVE YOU..it seems there was not much more than that to say when it comes right down to it. And yet I felt the question inside...did that do it...did that get the job done? Did their families and friends really know they were loved? In order for me to feel "complete" that famous word we use at CTI, I know I would want the opportunity to say my piece to those I was leaving behind. Since I know that about myself and I don't have any control of when or how I go, I have written letters to my kids that my husband and friends know about. I also plan to write more to others and a general letter that could perhaps be read at my funeral. (making a commitment to do that right now) It may sound strange, and I know many feel it is a lot better to just say it all when you are alive and that also makes sense to me of course but it is just a piece of completeness for me to do it this way. It gives me peace and frees me up to know if I was about to die in a car crash that I had left some words behind.
I love how you described the different feelings that come over you when you think about dying at different times. It is ironic that I am drawn to this subject because I was the most fearful on the ropes course and have gone through life with enormous physical body fears. I can hear my mother scolding my siblings "leave her alone, she is just cautious!" I guess my body majorly fears death but my spirit has a different perspective.
When my Dad died it was an anguished death, he was fighting and clinging to life desperately, it was very hard to watch and when I tried to talk with him about it he denied that he was dying. The whole thing was so awkward and he was so medicated we didn't knwo what was him and what was the medication. I think that fuels some of my desre to do this work. AND at the very end when he surrendered to death I am told that the room was filled with amazing peace and love. Despite the fact that he had been unconscious for a couple of days he opened his eyes and mouthed "I Love You" right before he died. I will never know why I missed those last moments but perhaps the unfinished part of that death leads me to my current path. I feel him encouraging me.
When I did the relatiosnhip coaching course I proclaimed that I would work with people's relationship to death. When I think of death in the third entity excercise I imagine it saying..."I am not the bad guy you think I am...give me a break...I am so misunderstood!!"
You have deeply touched my soul Laura and have given me confidence to keep going with this. I have not had the pleasure of meeting you in person, I have only met you on my certification tapes, but can feel your prence so vividly through all your words. I send you love and peace and huge gratitude!
(I notice that I feel the urge to press delete once again...as though it is no use trying to put words to all this )
Donna Krone
donna@tolovelife.com
Sunday, September 24, 2006 8:09:00 AM
Dear Laura,
I'm back from the land of kim chi and cell phones - What an amazing journey I had! Thank you for helping to invent, channel, create, birth - whathaveyou - this work called co-active coaching into the world so that I might have such an experience. Life will never be quite the same!
I've been reading your postings and the responses with much interest since I returned. I'm finally recovered enough from jet lag that I can think somewhat clearly. When I read your latest posting about chemo, Judy's birthday, and that you haven't been thinking about death in the last 5 or more days... the first thing that popped into my head was your voice from my Process course 10 years ago saying - Be with what you fear and watch it disappear. I like the notion that as the topic of death gets some airtime and that we all get to let ourselves ponder it, write about it, talk about it etc, it loses its strength and can drift back into the ethers while the fight carries on.
I know you have R2 coming up soon with the Otters. I'm sending you loads of healing energy so you'll have the strength and stamina to lead that eager group. I know that leading will feed you like little else can. Take good care of you so you might play with your passion amongst the Otters again soon.
Thinking of you and pondering all you provoke.
Much love,
Helen
coachhelen@charter.net
Thursday, September 28, 2006 5:22:00 AM
Hi Laura
I just got back from a few days north of San Francisco. It was my husband's 60th birthday last week and we have a friend, Diana, visiting from Ireland (Michael, my husband, is from Bangor N Ireland).
Diana and I went to California to visit a friend whom Diana had not seen since he moved to California in 1971. it was a sweet reunion. All the more so as he has AIDS. We talked a lot about life and about death. It was awkward and uncomfortable sometimes, and it was really intimate. I had just read your blog before I went and you were on my mind too. So I came to visit and I'm reaching out to touch you. And to wish Judy Happy Birthday. Take care, Laura. Love B:}
Thursday, September 28, 2006 10:23:00 PM
Hello Laura of the Dance!
I am writing to ask you something off topic. I make up it is off topic because it is about business yet I feel compelled to ask you because you have done this in your life. What criteria do you use for who you partner with in business and in life? I am making it up as I go along and would appreciate your insight. I believe you have allot to offer in this area. You are an amazing successful business woman in addition to your other successes.
180 degree turn.
On the topic of dying.
My insight around death is that some part of me dies every day the phrase " She who was is no more - she who IS is being born" is a mantra for me. I suffered from Lymes disease from 1988 - 1993 during that time I suffered many although not all of the challenges you are. I never thought life would expand again beyond the experience of pain and illness - it did and I wish for you the ability to look back years from now and know that it has become a part of your history not a primary part of your reality.
Love you - get the nutrients in - I know that nausea sucks AND get the good stuff in - however you need to!
Yours,
Alexis
Sunday, October 01, 2006 10:19:00 PM
Hi Laura -
Just a quick 'Hello'!...
In Michigan's Upper Peninsula the fall colors are in their full glory right now. This is my favorite time of year here. Yesterday, I took my mother to the top of Mt. Marquette. It was one of those crisp clear autumn days with a bright blue cloudless sky. The view over Lake Superior, our beautiful harbour and town, and the incredibly painted landscape was breathtaking and breathgiving.
May autumn in your part of the world take your breath with its beauty and give you life with your savouring of it.
Love to you,
Helen
Monday, October 02, 2006 6:17:00 AM
Laura,
Wow. Death. How do I talk about it? My mother for six years fighting the recurrance of lymphoma. Each recurrance more invasive than the last, each chemo more agressive. The last chemo, this summer, just passed the experimental stage. Working? yes, the tumors have, once again, shrunk. Will they come back? Yes. When? Noone knows, noone is willing to ask let alone answer the question. And I want to know how much time do I have to see my mom, talk with her. Will this week's call be the last? Will my girls get to see grandma next summer? But death, death, is too intimate and too awkward to discuss. I am hesitant. I await her permission as it feels as though I'm denying her fight if I explore the topic of death. Wow. tender. heart ache.
Sending you gratitude for opening the topic. My heart is open and my mind is searching.
Love to you,
Hesteah
Monday, October 02, 2006 1:40:00 PM
Darling Laura--I loved your description of the birthday road trip--there is so much freedom and adventure in it. As you know, Judy and I were born on practically the same DAY, so on my birthday this weekend in Minneapolis, I was thinking about Judy's birthday--and about yours dead ahead. My son took me to the theater Saturday night, then a friend had a party for my deareset women friends--many of whom I hadn't seen since leaving MN three years ago. And then I had a nice meeting with Pock the next morning. A poignant, rich, satisfying if somewhat bittersweet trip all in all--not even marred whena storm at O'Hare diverted us to Cedar Rapids Iowa for two whole days on the way home. I'm thinking about you this week at Leadership, doing the work you created and were born to do. And I'm sending love to your spirit and soul and to your precious body, too.
I'm off to Chicago again now. I'll be thinking of you--Caroline
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